VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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