My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
