I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
