It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
