We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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