Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
