Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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