...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
