I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
