I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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