I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
