she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
