About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
