help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
People in love make me want to vomit
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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