woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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