I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
