He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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