i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
