and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
