he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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