I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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