That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i think my cat just said my name.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
