Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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