i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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