Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
