Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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