walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
and you fell through a lawn chair
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
