I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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