writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
