Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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