It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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