i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
