remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
