woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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