So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every concussion has its silver lining
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
