she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
