Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's always time for handjobs
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I will be naked everywhere
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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