yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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