i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have fence marks all over my body
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
