i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
