im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
