4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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