Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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