Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
