her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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