This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize