TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
