I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
