he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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