that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
