Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am in a vortex of obligation.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
