So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
