She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
