This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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