walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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