When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
