Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
