All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
where does the pee come out of this thing
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
