I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
