ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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