i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
