you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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