those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
COCAINE IS GR8
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
