Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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