i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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