I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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