I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.