Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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