Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.

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(810): i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand. (1-810): nice, that's exactly what jesus would do. http://tfl.nu/jen7

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I hope im prettier

(1-828): View more from North Carolina

yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying

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(828): I hope im prettier (1-828): yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying http://tfl.nu/h2yr

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(315): View more from New York

im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!

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(315): im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone! http://tfl.nu/rzxj

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.

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(218): Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace. http://tfl.nu/81g3

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(847): View more from Illinois

we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u

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(847): we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u http://tfl.nu/tlcn

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(602): View more from Arizona

Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.

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(602): Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter. http://tfl.nu/60s7

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(703): View more from Virginia

I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.

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(703): I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history. http://tfl.nu/nchu

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate

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(508): i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate http://tfl.nu/vubl

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(636): View more from Missouri

I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...

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(636): I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem... http://tfl.nu/x4sc

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(509): View more from Washington

He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.

(425): View more from Washington

Is that even possible?

(509): View more from Washington

I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.

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(509): He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me. (425): Is that even possible? (509): I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/y48j

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before

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(856): Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before http://tfl.nu/gngt

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(919): View more from North Carolina

What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.

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(919): What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic. http://tfl.nu/uq7x

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(609): View more from New Jersey

There are cops on horseback in our back yard

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(609): There are cops on horseback in our back yard http://tfl.nu/25e3

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(816): View more from Missouri

We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.

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(816): We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri. http://tfl.nu/7urx

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?

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(781): "willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate? http://tfl.nu/w7fu

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