If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.