Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"