what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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