we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
