grandma shit on top of the toilet
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
