Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
