I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
